A Minor Electrocution

My office has just become more like an office. Being that it's already starting to get colder in Chicago (the low last night was 47 F), static electricity has been getting particularly bad. That, coupled with the numerous keycard access point around the office, means that whenever I have to stride across a stretch of carpet to open a door with my card, I get shocked. And I don't mean just a little snap. There is a clearly audible pop, followed by a clearly audible swear word, and a bright, blue spark. Fucker hurts, let me tell you. At first I thought it was just "one of those things," then the carpet thing and the fast-approaching cold weather thing clicked in, and I realized that this is how I'm going to have to live my life; if I want to open a door, I have to resign myself to a minor electrocution. I'm coming close to shorting out the keycard system, I'm pretty sure.

And my co-workers are impressed with my beard. They don't say anything, but I can tell.