Tips for Drinking

How to transmogrify cheap, plastic bottle, Winner's Cup-grade vodka into something somewhere between Absolut and Grey Goose:

1) Buy one (1) handle of cheap, plastic bottle, Winner's Cup grade vodka.

2) Pour contents of bottle into Brita pitcher filtration system. Allow contents to filter.

3) After filtration, pour contents of Brita pitcher into a separate container.

4) Pour contents of container BACK through Brita pitcher filtration system.

5) Repeat filtration upwards of twenty (20) times.

6) Enjoy a delightful, smooth, cheap vodka. And some weird-tasting water.

The things you lose of course (besides some memories of large portions of the evening) are the peripheral pleasures of drinking good vodka - the pleasure of the liquor store guy nodding his head in approval, the pleasure of removing a cork instead of a screw-off cap, the pleasure of casually mentioning to friends that you drained a bottle of Belvedere the previous evening like "What, that's how I roll." & c.

Paradoxically, it seems almost ludicrous NOT to blow your fucking lid when telling everyone within drunken rambling distance that you practically bootlegged some top shelf shit, pulled some frog/prince magic, and with one pass through the charcoal guts of your very own home purifyin' machine produced the frosty life-blood of Russia right in your very own kitchen. Good vodka is just expensive. Brita vodka is magic.